hands and love
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Help – I’m married and have fallen for someone else

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change…

On being parented by the “victim”

My father has been away for a few weeks and I’ve been feeling good. When he is away my joints don’t ache. Last night he called and our conversation was pleasant as they often are. We have rebuilt bridges over the past two years, including…
Keep calm

Mid life transitions and mid life crises

A mid-life crisis, transition or transformation is usually experienced around the age of 40 plus or minus 20 years. One of the first to write on the subject was the psychologist Carl Jungwho struggled in his own mid-life and came up with the…
coupla in affair

Men and mid-life affairs

From the time we are little boys, men are programmed – both socially conditioned and psychologically hard-wired to prove themselves, to make a name for themselves. Consequently, they experience life in a superficial way, almost inevitably…
pills in heart

A psychotherapist's experience of love addiction

An article from a US psychiatric journal dropped into my in-box: “Hooked on Messy Loving”? Usually I press delete. Or forward to my friend and colleague with a mutually understood sigh. We psychotherapists can be a little suspicious around…
sunset couple

What's love really got to do with it?

What’s Love Got To Do With It? Valentine’s Day has been and gone. While the greetings card and flower industries are measuring their takings, most of us go back to ordinary worries around our relationships: are we in one? Can we stay in…
limerence abstract

Limerence, addiction and Ayahuasca

With Christmas fast approaching, I have more time than usual to reflect. Prior to limerence, I hadn’t appreciated how I used my addictive tendencies to distract myself from my inner feelings of anxiety and dysthymia, a constant low grade depression…
mankind project

Men's issues and rites of passage

Its been a few days since I returned from a ManKind Project Rites of Passage weekend. See http://mankindproject.org/ I’m still processing and will likely be for some time. The weekend could not have come at a more appropriate time. I…

Addictions - curse of the high achievers?

Like most film fans, I was saddened by the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman, the Academy Award winning actor and director, earlier this month. Hoffman was found dead, it was reported, in his bathroom, a syringe in his arm and bags of heroin scattered…