Limerence and transference

Never in a month of Sundays did i think i would find myself in a situation where my limerence would transfer. I thought all the hard work i had done over the past few years had sorted my attachment issues out.

Last October on a silent retreat i found myself working in the company of a very attractive woman in a situation where my vulnerabilities were exposed. I observed in myself how over the space of 24 hours my yearnings to connect with LO switched onto this new object. The difference was this time i was conscious of what was happening and could laugh at the insanity of my grasping ego. It also exposed my limerence for what it was, a yearning to connect. When i became limerent the first time around perhaps i confused this desire for connection and projected it on to an available object. This time i noticed all the same feelings but I realised the desire is to connect is to myself, to connect to something deeper with in me.

As for the transference of the limerence, am i entering into that vortex of obsession? Thanks goodness no as this woman is very much in the public domain and ive had no desire to google her apart from when my friend R came around who wanted to see what was out there on the internet. We were both surprised at just how much personal information and provocative photos were available. Full-blown limerence over this woman would be a whole new kettle of fish compared to LO who was very private and that’s one hell hole im just not going to get into.

As is often said until we get the lesson we will keep getting the same challenges thrown at us The gods could not have sent a more appropriate “object” than this woman for me to get the lesson.

The other thing i’ve done is to be completely open with SO about all this. She had predicted i would meet a “busty blonde” (ex topless model in this case) on my retreat to have some eye candy distraction. My path wont cross with this woman but we do share a mutual friend who knows of my limerence. This friend sat next to me last night and asked about the retreat and i told her of my transference. She loved the story and asked if she could tell her friend. I said, sure i’ve nothing to hide and now see so clearly the desire is nothing to do with this person and is all about me.

Im i totally cured / sorted? No, im not deluding myself that this is finished. At least i now have the capacity to observe my thinking and behaviours in a more objective way.

Hopefully my story can help others separate out the belief that there LO’s are magical, unique, special. I think we just resonate with our LO’s at a deep level, perhaps at a soul level and its this that creates such a confusing experience for us.

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