I posted this on the original Tribe Limerence forum way back in June 2011 – just 6 months into my LE
Im 6 months in and feel a big shift with this obsession. Heres what ive been doing to cope:
• Having an excellent therapist that I was completely honest with them about what I was enduring – we spent time exploring the attraction and where it was coming from and what was I avoiding in my life and using “fantasy” (just one of a number of addictive behaviours i was exhibiting at the time) as a diversion
• Spoke to close friends and family about the limerence and learned not to feel shameful about the feelings – its just part of being human
• Looked for more healthy forms of diversionary tactics such as hobbies, meditation and exercise
• NC was not an option, so when in contact with my LO became where conscious of my boundaries and respected hers. Also enjoyed my contact with her and constantly told myself she was just another female friend and that’s all it was ever going to be, given my life circumstances.
• When I disclosed initially, I got no sense of her feelings towards me – then realised disclosure was pointless as I was not prepared to leave my marriage. Also disclosure was not respecting my LO and was manipulative on my part.
• Knew that it would take time for the fantasies and feeling to subside and learned to sit with the feelings, however much turmoil they created.
• Became very conscious of when the feelings and thoughts lessened and used this to reinforce the belief that time was the best healer
• Kept a journal and wrote my thoughts feelings down in that
• Read books on obsessive love, addictions, compulsions, co-dependency
• Used this forum to read of other people’s journeys and realised I was not alone
• Became very conscious of when the limerence became more powerful – when I felt stressed I other parts of my life was a trigger
• CONSTANTLY held on to the belief that no other person could make me feel happy/whole/content/complete – only I can do that
• CONSTANTLY told myself that even if the fantasy became reality, the initial dopamine rush of being in infatuation (as its not yet love) never last and after a year or 2, life becomes routine and how would that be any different to where I am now (im very content in my marriage)
• Given the course were both on, I suppose I am privy to stuff in my LO’s life and background that I would not normally be. I focussed on these “issues” rather than just saw the good in her. This helped me realise a relationship with her would be more than a challenge. Subconsciously she was playing the victim and me the rescuer
• Had the courage to disclose stuff to my wife re my feelings to my LO and to not be afraid to bring the subject up when I felt it may have been getting between us.
Hope this helps someone and goodluck on your journey.