We can recover and grow from limerence.

Just over 3 years on I can say that im pretty much over my limerence. whilst my LO may occasionally enter my mind, the thoughts of her are not intrusive, just pleasant memories. I now think “did that really happen to me?” , “did i really feel those insane feelings for a woman i knew nothing about?” “did i really want my SO dead so i could run off with a fantasy figure?”. I do know it wasn’t a dream and yes i really did experience limerence.

I’d say its one of the toughest things i had to deal with – im not sure if it was the limerence per se, or the associated depression and grieving that limerence triggered that i found so painful to work through.

Perhaps my healing was just a question of time until the neuro-chemicals subsided or perhaps it was all the heavy lifting I did to strengthen my ego and loosen the bonds of dependency. Likely a combination of both. When it first kicked off, i never thought it would take the best part of 3 years – the upper limit as suggested by Tenov. Perhaps the time taken to heal is a measure of the dysfunction we grew up with?

And yet despite all the pain, i have no regrets developing limerence. Here are some of the positives that have come out from this:

  • It was one massive wake up call for me to reconnect to my feelings
  • It created a much needed spiritual awakening
  • It forced my SO commit to the MC we had been in when my limerence struck. We’ve learned to communicate far more healthily and authentically
  • Ive healed from my co-dependent traits
  • Im closer to my parents than ever before – time is running out for all of us (it has in a way for my mum with her dementia) and making a trip back to Auschwitz with my dad on the March of the Living in a couple of months is something i thought would never happen – thats another necessary huge part of my healing
  • The experience has made me a more empathetic therapist. Ill never judge anyone that has an affair
  • Its given me a keen interest in relationships and love addiction – something i can take into my clinical practice
  • Its helped me understand objectification and reduce the amount I do when it comes to woman – but im still a man and far from perfect.

I sometimes wonder if i may always be prone to developing attachments too quickly with woman i find attractive and have now learned how to remain boundaried around such triggers. No different i suppose than any other addict around their potion of choice. Time will tell.

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